It’s Not About How Often — It’s About How It Feels
Dr Gurney stresses that science shows no direct link between the frequency of s€x and relationship satisfaction.
In fact, she says:
“Infrequent s€x that makes you feel alive, connected, and close to your partner is far better than daily s€x that’s low in pleasure.”
In short: quality beats quantity every time.
Why Desire Fades (And It’s Not What You Think)
Dr Gurney also identified four common reasons couples lose interest in s€x — none of which mean love is gone.
1. Phones, TV, and Constant Distraction
Technology may be killing desire more than we realize. When screens replace real connection, intimacy suffers.
Her advice isn’t to ban tech entirely, but to intentionally disconnect:
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Put phones away
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Turn off the TV
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Be fully present
She suggests non-s€xual intimacy like kissing, massages, or sharing a bath — without pressure for sex. Desire often follows naturally.
2. Resentment at Home
Unequal housework or childcare responsibilities can quietly destroy s€xual attraction.
“When one partner feels like they’re doing everything,” she explains, “s€x starts to feel like another chore — not pleasure.”
Resentment builds, and intimacy fades.
3. Scheduling S€x Backfires
Planning s€x might seem practical, but Dr Gurney says it can make things worse.
Scheduled s€x can:
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Increase performance pressure
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Feel obligatory
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Turn intimacy into a task
Over time, this can actually reduce desire instead of restoring it.
4. Not Talking About It
Avoiding the conversation doesn’t protect feelings — it deepens misunderstandings.
Many people secretly assume their partner “just doesn’t fancy them anymore,” when that’s often far from the truth.
Open, honest conversations about pleasure, needs, and fears can completely change the dynamic.
The Question That Changes Everything
Dr Gurney encourages couples to stop comparing themselves to imaginary standards and instead ask one powerful question:
