It’s okay, he squeezed her shoulder. Let’s see if we can find somewhere to sleep tonight. Tomorrow we’ll start cleaning. They climbed the stairs, the steps creaking under their weight. Tob’s old bedroom was at the end of the hall, untouched since he’d left for college at 18. The same posters on the walls, the same scratched desk, the same narrow bed with its faded blue comforter. You can sleep in here with me tonight, he told Emma. We’ll get you your own room soon.
She nodded and climbed onto the bed without bothering to change out of her clothes. Toby sat beside her, stroking her hair until her breathing deepened into sleep. Then he sat there in the darkness, letting the weight of everything settle on him. This house, God, this house. He’d spent his whole childhood here, but he’d never understood it. Never understood his mother’s silence, her distance. She’d fed him and clothed him and made sure he did his homework. But there had always been something else, something she held back.
Even as a boy, he’d felt it. The way she’d stare out the kitchen window for long minutes, lost in some private thought. The way she’d flinch when someone knocked on the door unexpectedly. The way she never talked about her past, never invited friends over, never seemed to connect with the other mothers in town. When Tob was a teenager, he’d thought she was just cold, unloving. He’d resented her for it, counted down the days until he could leave.
And when he finally did leave, he’d barely looked back. visited maybe twice a year, called on holidays. When she died, he’d felt guilty about that, but he’d also felt relieved in a way he didn’t like to examine too closely. Now, sitting in his childhood bedroom with his own daughter, sleeping beside him, he wondered if there was more to it, something he’d been too young or too angry to see. The next morning came too bright and too early.
Sunlight poured through the dusty windows, making the disrepair impossible to ignore. Emma woke up cranky and hungry. Toby realized he hadn’t thought to bring any food. They drove into town, Cooper’s Bend, population 3200, the same as when he was a kid. The diner was still on Main Street, looking exactly like he remembered. They sat at the counter and Emma ordered pancakes while Toby drank bitter coffee and tried to make a mental list of everything that needed doing.
