Growing up, there were two daughters in the Ulette house, but only one who mattered. My sister Monica is three years older. She came out of the womb performing, school plays, student council, the girl who could talk to any adult at any dinner party and make them laugh. My parents, Jerry and Diane Wlette, Hartford, Connecticut, salt of the earth middle class, adored her for it. Dad managed a manufacturing plant.
Mom did part-time bookkeeping. They valued two things above all else, appearances and obedience. Monica delivered both flawlessly every single day. I was the quiet one, the one with her nose in a biology textbook at Thanksgiving, while Monica held court at the table. I wasn’t rebellious. I wasn’t difficult. I was simply invisible.
There’s a difference between being forgotten and never being seen in the first place. Here’s a small example. 8th grade, I made it to the state science fair, the only kid from our school. Same weekend, Monica had a community theater performance. One guess where my parents went.
When I came home with a second place ribbon, dad glanced at it and said, “That’s nice, Reie.” He didn’t ask what my project was about. He never did. I told myself it didn’t hurt. I told myself I didn’t need the attention. I poured everything into my grades, my AP classes, my applications. I figured if I couldn’t be the daughter they noticed, I’d be the daughter they couldn’t ignore.
And for one brief shining moment, I was. The day I got accepted into Oregon Health and Science University’s medical program, 3,000 miles from Hartford, something shifted. For the first time in my life, my father looked at me, really looked at me, and said five words I’d waited 18 years to hear. But I’ll get to that. First, you need to understand what Monica did when she realized the spotlight was moving.
The acceptance letter came on a Tuesday in April. I remember because Monica was visiting for the weekend. She was 22, working as a marketing coordinator at a mid-level firm in Stamford. Fine job, fine life. Fine was Monica’s ceiling, though she’d never admit it. Dad read the letter at the kitchen table.
